I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
