you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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