Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
