he thought i was a dude.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
