BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
