i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
