theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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