she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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