I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
