i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
