All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
