Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
