I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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