Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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