were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
