Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
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Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
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I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"