i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I want her autograph on my taint
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.