it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I would fuck him just for his dog