A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.