Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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