I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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