i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
