You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
