She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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