Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
