We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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