Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
