I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
