I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
