Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please come you make the beer taste better
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize