but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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