I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
