oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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