she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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