Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
