never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
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