How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
