I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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