Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
