I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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