I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
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In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
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All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
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