i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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