I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
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