Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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