i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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