Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
