gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
