I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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