but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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