dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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