Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
