i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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