thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
