i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
