You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
