Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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