I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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