my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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