I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
