We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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