Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
