mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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