Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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