are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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