just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
then he tried to convert me to islam
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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