how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
