she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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