A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
