Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize