He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
