Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Did I show you my penis last night?
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
