he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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