she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
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