The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
