bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
