so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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