I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
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The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
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This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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