my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
