my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
