She announced her abortion via fbk
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
