she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
