You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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