i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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