If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
